What would you guess was the first thing we moved into our new house?

Yeah no. That would be 70 lbs of baking soda.

The previous owner of the house smoked inside for at least 34 years, possibly 44 depending on which version of the story she's telling. Last night after closing, I went in to open up all the windows and luckily, some coworkers suggested the baking soda. I was there for about an hour, putting down all the bowls and bread tins we own, filled with 10lbs of Price Chopper baking soda, spread throughout the rooms. And then I was violently ill for two hours. That's right. One hour unprotected in our new home, two hours of nausea and twitching.

So today's first stop was Costco, where they sell baking soda in 12lb bags. Last night I'd made do with Price Chopper's tiny 1lb boxes, 10 of them, which must have made the cashier wonder just a bit--total contents of the shopping basket: 4 bunches of parsley, one punnet of blueberries and 10 one-pound boxes of baking soda. Woo! Friday night!

Today's second stop was Ace, for a respirator.

And with 70 pounds of baking soda in place, in bowls and bread tins and a pie plate and then just poured directly onto the carpet in interesting patterns. Pictures to follow, because you wouldn't believe me otherwise.

So picture me in full sexy respirator, picking my way daintily through the baking soda mandala that is our new home, spending six hours peeling wallpaper off the dining room walls. Peel peel peel. Peel peel peel. Deep sigh into the respirator. Peel peel peel. A quick word to the wise: try not to sneeze while wearing a respirator.

Peel peel peel. Lunch. Peel peel peel peel peel peel peel peel. Expire.

But there was also good news: beautiful chocolate brown plaster underneath. No particle board! Pity it will all be covered in Kilz smoke sealer, as of tomorrow. And by the time I left, the house was at least breathable. Task #1 accomplished!