I've been off climbing rocks (real ones), living at PetraCliffs and dogsitting a rescue pup, who has now (temporarily) joined 6 other smushnoses (and a bull mastiff) in Swanton. Are these not beautiful reasons to be away from the internet?

(Bear with me, the next entry will have pictures.)

And the whole dog thing (no, she didn't eat any of the rabbits) has made me have to figure out how to finish the fencing on our house, as any proud dog-owner knows: gotta keep those pups where you can see 'em. And I'm looking through landscape design books for ideas on how best to proceed, and I run into a problem. All of the scenarios outlined in the books are for ideas on how to make your property more inviting, how to make your entryway more welcoming and open to people, and frankly that's the last damn thing I want. Inviting to dogs, rabbits and other wild fauna, yes. People, no. I need the book on landscaping with piranhas and lava. Possibly simultaneously. Email me if you can help.

The PetraCliffs Ladies' Auxiliary and Shoe Fetish Club has taken our show on the road to Lower West Bolton (pix with the next entry. Promise, kay? Kisses.) and climbed outside on real rocks, that featured real slugs that exploded with real squishing noises when you accidentally put your hands on them! It was gross, but in a wholesome, character-building way. Especially for the slug.

Both times were incredibly different and challenging, completely different from all the prepwork we did in the gym. We did a 5.6 slab route (whose name I have forgotten) and a 5.4 layback named Wet Corner. Although after I found the slug in one of the handholds, we decided to rename it Unpleasant Surprises. They were only one pitch apiece, on top rope, but the object of the exercises was just to get familiar with actual rock. I had a bit of trouble finding handholds on the slab, and felt like it took me way too long to slither up the exposed face, pawing gently at the surface and not really understanding what to look for in finding the route, but I loved the layback, all squishing yourself into a ball and leaning this way and that. The best thing I found is that it's very true that on real rock, if you have smaller fingers, you really can use them on what would appear to be the smallest cracks ever and they feel incredibly solid. Finally. A use for my much wasted superpower of being 4'10".

Also it turns out that I have a potentially fatal lack of fear when it comes to heights, and falls. Neither bother me. I'm on a rope! The rope is tied to the rock and another person simultaneously. Where would I go? Like if I fall, gravity will suddenly fail and I'll shoot into the sky? That would rule. If the rope breaks, the rope was meant to break and I was meant to thud and I'm sure the last sound I hear will be a ghost slug snickering.