smooshy
Originally uploaded by Oddmonster.

A note to the wiser-than-us: talking about getting a new pet should be done far, far away from any existing pets, especially if they happen to be hyper-intelligent rabbits. And mark my words: rabbits are more intelligent than most people give them credit for, mainly because most people associate rabbits with the solitary pets they kept in an outdoor hutch as kids. Newsflash: you kept a naturally social, underground-living prey animal in an exposed, cold, wire-floored box suspended 3-4 feet off the ground. While you may tell anecdotes about your mean, unfriendly rabbit, the truth is that your rabbit went insane after about a month. You would have too.



But I digress.



All this talk of "dogs" and "puppies" was closely monitored by several sub-six-inch-tall members of our household, but especially by The Princess.



The Princess Willhelmina Bean Biteypants Squishnose, herself a refugee from horrible human weirdness, lately retired to live in pampered indoor polyamorous splendor with Tung-Tung and Albert, heard the words "dog" and "puppy" and perked up her little brown ears. A dog who would sleep on the bed? But The Princess sleeps on the bed! A dog who would learn tricks? But The Princess does tricks for dried fruit! The Pineapple Dance is integral to The Princess' daily nutritional intake! And hell, if coming when called is a plus, watch The Princess sprint across the room on command, provided there's fresh apple involved.



In short, she decided to become The Princess Puppy.



She does indeed come when called, she knows one trick (Pineapple Dance! More please!), she sleeps on my pillow, or curled up in my arms on days when I look at petfinder. She is not having no dog no how no. Princess yes. Dog no.



In short, she is keeping busy in her retirement. She has to figure out what a dog is and how to be one, she has to make sure I don't fall asleep while reading, and she also has to teach her young charges Tung-Tung and Albert the ways of the devious rabbit.

Lately her tutelage has involved showing Tung-Tung how to steal alfalfa pellets (the special food she receives as an "active" (not "elderly", "active") rabbit) off the top of the bedroom sideboard (yes, she eats in bed. The lifestyle she defends is lavish and calorie-laden). Tung-tung has realized he can simply follow her into the bedroom (at 3am no less) and nibble her ear deferentially while she pokes me awake with her nose. And being a well-trained human, after I reach down the alfalfa chow and go back to sleep, and then Tung-Tung pounces. He is an avid student.



Just don't ask him to bark.